Horrible...

I have been horrible about posting on this blog. I first thought no one was reading it, but I'm wrong. Emrie had her surgery and it went great! Much better than expected.

I've also accomplished the feat of ordering Chloe's headstone. It will read "one year of heaven on Earth" I'm not sure I can bring myself around to go visit it any time soon, though.

We also have a stone in our garden that says " if tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again." AND I WOULD.

I still cry myself to sleep and wonder what happened that I can't remember. I'd love to pick my neighbors, paramedics, and fireman's memories, but I can't. They all cry when I bring it up. They all wonder what else they could have done to save her. Plain and simple, they all miss her.

Some of the firemen had to receive counseling after the accident. It was hard for everyone. Some of them even had to visit the ER Dr. that pronounced her. They wanted to hear it from him that there was nothing else they could have done to save her.

Me... I blame myself. I should have thrown her in the car as it was rolling back on us. I just couldn't think fast enough.